Another One Bites the Dust Podcast Episode

A few years ago, I was sitting at a coffee shop at the local Barnes and Noble and I ran into a person that I had met at a house church network gathering. We exchanged introductory remarks and small talk, then he asked me if our house fellowship was still meeting. I told him that we were, and he proceeded to tell me that his group had decided to not meet anymore. I was disappointed to hear that, and I asked him why. He said that his wife was expecting and that things were changing in his family, and others as well, so it wasn’t working to keep meeting. I nodded that I understood, but I really didn’t. I wasn’t sure what part life changes had in causing a fellowship, that should be functioning in family fashion, to stop meeting. Perhaps some adjustments would need to be made, but to stop meeting was a bit drastic, it seemed. It wasn’t for me to decide, and perhaps there was more to the story that he didn’t share, either due to the shortness of time, or for the sake of image. But my internal reaction was, “another one bites the dust,” a now common phrase taken from a song that had flooded the airwaves when I was a just a teenager.

This wasn’t the first time, unfortunately, that I had heard about a fellowship ceasing. Just a few years earlier our fellowship had hooked up with a local network of independent house churches. We would meet quarterly, or so, as a large group at someone’s home, if it was large enough, or some other meeting place. The leaders (a term we used very loosely) would meet monthly at a local McDonald’s for coffee and chat about what the Lord was doing in our respective fellowships. Over time, one by one of these groups would stop meeting. Our local fellowship kept going strong, however, and I was perplexed as to why the groups would simply cease meeting. I knew that a few problems had surfaced in some groups, but it seemed, at least on the surface, that it was nothing that was not fixable.

Eventually, we found our group to be the sole group meeting. One of the key founders of the house church network had even returned to the institutional church after receiving a PhD from a local seminary. His fellowship, ironically, had been one of the most vibrant and active. I admired their service activities, outreaching into homeless communities and assisting with organizations that were helping unwed mothers have an alternative to abortion. Their weekly meetings were well attended and things seemed to be going so well. Again, though, perhaps things aren’t always the way they seem. He never told me what the issue was, as he and his family had already planned to move out of state to take a position as a pastor in a traditional church.

As the network began to dwindle, I noticed some things that were missing from each of these groups that were most likely the cause of their demise. I will discuss them below. You have to keep in mind, however, that each of these house churches were started independently by people who had left the traditional church and pioneered a home fellowship at a time when it was still all very new. There wasn’t much written, yet, about what to do and how to do it. One thing that was becoming obvious, even then, to many in the Kingdom of God, was that the traditional church system was not a scriptural model, and was already suffering from increasing corruption, and had become a top heavy hierarchical monstrosity that would not survive if it was part of a business. And therein was much of the issue, too, that the church looked more like corporate business pedaling religion than the intimate redeemed community that was set up by Jesus and His apostles. What we all did know, however, was that we had had enough of all the superficiality and institutional issues. We wanted more. We wanted to connect to God and our brothers and sisters in His family. We didn’t want programs, we wanted relationships. We wanted depth of meaning. The institution didn’t provide this, nor prepare the way for it by any means. So, each person had left the institution in their own way, but with no direction as to how the church should function in the short term, much less in over the long haul.

What’s Next?

It seemed that each group began their journey in similar manner, each feeling their own way, seeking from God what and how to do next. We were grabbing a hold of whatever latest house church manual would come out from the latest author that would surface with their insights and version. My own journey began when I came across a book by Wolfgang Simson called Houses that Change the World. I found this book truly refreshing because, for the first time, I realized I was not alone in my concerns and frustrations with the traditional system. It wasn’t something that needed to be fixed or tweaked, but according to scripture, the paradigm was totally incorrect. That explained a lot about what I was feeling and experiencing.

I’ll never forget the first meeting that we had. I was asked how this was supposed to work, and I had to admit that I really didn’t know. I mean, I had learned a few basic principles, but it was all so new. I just knew that we were to gather together and that it would be informal, and the Lord was the Head of the Church and He would lead us by His Holy Spirit. We sat in the living room, not in rows, but in a circle, everyone as equals. Although I don’t recall all that went on during that first meeting, I know that for the next ten or eleven years, we met weekly, and we worked through many challenges. One thing became apparent after meeting only a few months–it wasn’t about the meeting—it was about the family community that we were becoming. This was important because it was the missing ingredient that we were all looking for.

Likewise, each group that we had connected with in the network had made a similar discovery. We had all learned that our meetings were not to be led by a clergy, but that each person had an equal share (1 Corinthians 4:26). We knew that the scriptures were to be our central text, and that prayer, singing, and personal testimony each played a part (Colossians 3:16). Jesus was the Head of His Church (Ephesians 5:23, Colossians 1:18), and we were, each one of us, apart of the priesthood of all believers (1 Peter 2:9, Revelation 1:5, 6).

Each meeting, however, took on its own character and focus as the Holy Spirit would lead us to address the issues that lingered in the hearts of each person there. It was an amazing thing to experience. Each group had its own flavor. Some had meetings that were more planned than others, but all were highly participatory and everyone had a voice. But as time went by, months and years, a disturbing, unspoken question began to become apparent. What was next? Was this all there was? The critical need was addressed, that of community and deeper relations, but something was still missing.

When we started meeting, we became focused on a new vision of meeting in a new way. There had been a new sense of freedom, of being a pioneer, of stepping out into new territory. But we had crossed that threshold some time ago. And no one had told us what was next. It was apparent that a vital need was addressed in our new format, but something was still missing, and it was apparent, as one fellowship after another stopped meeting. The reasons given were varied, but not indicative of the underlying cause.

The Bigger Picture

It soon became apparent that there was a bigger picture, a vision, that was missing. The pioneer authors that so many were using to chart a new course outside the traditions we had left, were very good at saying what not to do, and pointing the way to a more organic, informal approach, but somehow did not address (or, if they did, we severely missed it) the long term vision of how the Kingdom of God was to function. In the institutional church, people just keep meeting and meeting and meeting. If any numerical growth occurs, bigger buildings or more worship services were added, including more professional staff to accommodate the larger flock. But it was all meeting focused. So many questions remained for the organic, small group approach, however. How were we to grow? What happened when we did?

When I realized what the issue was, I set out to address it with our own fellowship. It may have been too late to get the network on board, but it was worth it to head off a pending disaster with my own fellowship. I had a vested interest because it had begun in my living room, and had grown from a few to over twenty, then back down to a comfortable ten to fifteen. But even as some new people would come and go, there was a growing core group that seemed committed to each other and to the process. It was obvious we had become a family. This was a major step, and probably was what kept us together for as long as we had been, outliving most other house church fellowships. Part of my strategy was to lay out a vision from scripture for the long haul, then teach it, and to even write it out in a guide that we could keep and refer back to.

As I worked to determine the next steps, I was reminded of a leadership course that I had taken as a teenager. I learned that there were two essential ingredients any group that is successful long term must have. First, there needs to be a sense of belonging, where we can feel accepted and loved, and we can feel like we are a valuable contributor. This need was met by the family atmosphere we had all experienced in our weekly gathering, eating together, sharing our joys and heartaches, and finding guidance and support from one another and the Lord. But, secondly, there has to be a mission, a direction and goal, something that is bigger than ourselves. This was the missing piece. Both necessary ingredients stem from inborn needs that are inherent from birth for each of us. And, both ingredients are successfully addressed by the original design of the church as laid out in scripture (see John 17:20-21, Matthew 28:16-18).

Still Waters

I worked diligently to lay out a big picture of the Kingdom of God, and the biblical design for its growth. We spoke frequently of the Great Commission, Jesus’ command to go and make disciples. We discussed how this could take place by each of us as we made God known to those around us through our actions and our conversation, how we can call people to being a disciple of Jesus, and how we could teach them without being a biblical scholar. We had diagrams, scriptures, discussion, videos, and even role play. It all seemed simple enough. The discussion was good, and the receptivity of the vision was enthusiastic. Unfortunately, for most, that was where it ended. You see, our fellowship grew from several traditional church members who had attended regular churches all their lives and who left directly to attend our home fellowship. But church people don’t make disciples. Church people go to church. They sit and listen to sermons, they sing songs and do as the leaders instruct. They go to Bible studies where other teachers tell them what the Bible says and means, and may even participate in discussions when available. And, they give money each week to make sure this whole process continues uninterrupted. In the traditional church mindset, the pastor or preacher makes disciples, or the missionary in the mission field, but not church goers. Though that may not be explicitly taught as such, the design of the system, whether intentional or not, communicates this very clearly. Therefore, people are taught, by virtue of their perpetual passivity in meetings, that they are to be still and listen. Jesus, in contrast, said that out of our hearts would “flow rivers of living water” (John 7:38). A river is a continual flow of water, as it receives and passes the flow onward. We are called in scripture to teach one another, not just be taught (Romans 15:14, Hebrews 5:12). It seemed, however, that folks preferred to be a still water body, receiving the rain from heaven, but not passing it on. That’s how they had been trained in the traditional system. It was at that point that I knew we were in trouble.

Parenting As a Model for Disciple Making

Scripture tells us that the creation around us is an example of the character and wisdom of God, it’s Creator. God gave us parents who would, essentially, prepare us for life without them, that as adults we would be able to function on our own, and even prepare a new generation to do likewise. Similarly, the Kingdom of God should work the same way. After all, God is our Father, Jesus is our brother, and we are brothers and sisters to fellow believers. The institutional church, however, has turned every kind of service into a professional endeavor. They have convinced the everyday saint that they must have special training, or special degrees, or certain certifications or titles in order to pro-create new disciples. The early church did not do this. In fact, when the Jerusalem church received persecution after Pentecost, Luke tells us that “those who were scattered went everywhere preaching the word” (Acts 8:4). It wasn’t the clergy who did this, because there weren’t any at that time. It’s a good thing. Every saint became a vessel to spread the Good News of the Messiah who had come, and who was coming again! In the world, likewise, anyone can parent. There is no certification requirements.

In the family of God, making disciples should be like parenting, where we are tasked with simply teaching new followers how to follow God, showing them, and teaching them, the necessary skills to live life in the Kingdom of God. Then, set them loose to do so. Every parent of a child does this. They teach their children what they need to know to live life as an adult. And, every child knows that when they grow up they will be on their own, and will probably have children of their own. This, too, is how the Kingdom of God should function. The concept is simple enough, though the task will have its challenges, as any parent can attest to. But, nevertheless, when done successfully, is worth every trial and error.

The End Begins

After ten years of meeting weekly from house to house, I could see that folks had become quite comfortable. They enjoyed the eating and the fellowship, but were unmotivated to reach out beyond the nest and begin to fly. I was at a loss of what to do. All I knew was that I was experiencing a gnawing frustration with every meeting we had. I felt like the parent who had given everything, taught all the necessary skills, but whose kids refused to leave home. In the animal world, a bird will kick its young out of the nest at the time when they are ready. Likewise, a mother bear, when she discerns that her cubs are ready, will chase them away from her in order to force them to begin living the adult life. I prayed about this, and realized that I could no longer continue to provide a venue for spiritual immaturity, but had to sour the milk, or take away the nest. And, so, I began to step back and simply stopped setting up meetings every week. I waited to see if anyone else would step up and offer their home, or call a meeting. But, true to form, it didn’t happen. I encouraged them to meet in smaller groups, or to get together with other believers from work, or to take the time to build relationships with folks outside the church in hopes that new groups would form. Unfortunately, this did not happen. In fact, as the milk became sour, some simply went back to where they had come from, seeking out a traditional church meeting. We started meeting monthly to encourage folks to meet on the off weeks with new folks, or do outreach, or service. I did not attempt to organize any of these options, as it had to come from their own initiative. They were either grown up spiritually, or were not. Unfortunately, that is what the institutional church has done to the Kingdom of God–stifled all growth, except a few, keeping the majority of the flock as dependent babes awaiting their mother’s return to the nest with the latest worm.

I found that most of these problems begin because most people refuse to seek God on their own. They lack the discipline necessary to feed daily from the Word of God, to speak regularly with their heavenly Father, and to faithfully obey the leading of His Holy Spirit. Jesus made it clear when explaining to his disciples his reason for speaking to the crowds in parables, that to them, his disciples, it was given to know the mysteries of the Kingdom of God. In essence, they had made a choice to leave all and follow Him. This was a great price, and it opened the door for them to receive from Jesus the inside knowledge of the Kingdom of God. He said, “For whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him” (Matthew 13:12). So, you see, when we choose to not seek after the Father, we limit, even disqualify ourselves from receiving further understanding into the things of God. He is found by those who seek Him with all their heart (Jeremiah 29:13).

I can only hope that seeds were planted, however. One can’t do something for over a decade and not have it impact their paradigm. We learned truth from God’s Word of what the Kingdom should be like. We became more than Sunday hand shakers and head-nodders. We were in the thick and thin of each other’s challenges and struggles. Even now, there is a connection, even without the weekly gatherings. I’ve often pondered if I did the right thing. But I realized that just because someone refuses to grow into spiritual adulthood, it doesn’t change the fact that they should. A parent doesn’t pretend their grown children are not adults just because they refuse to take hold of their own responsibility. If they do, they will cripple them for life. Likewise, we will never learn to adopt the New Testament model if we keep succumbing to other’s laziness and stubbornness.

Hindsight is 20/20

It’s hard to encapsulate all that I have learned in my first endeavor with house church. I really no longer refer to it as “house church,” but rather “organic” church. Some call it “micro” church because of its small size. But, for the sake of this article that addresses the longevity of organic church gatherings, I will share a few of the most critical “take aways” that, I hope, will help anyone who is currently involved in organic church, or is planning to be:

• Organic churches are much more fluid than traditional church. Their longevity will vary depending on different factors. This fluidity, however, allows them to be highly adaptable. Saints can meet anywhere, anytime. They are not tied to a facility or a program schedule. The family model, as alluded to in scripture, and as discussed above, allows for organic growth, so that as new followers are added and mature, they break off into new cells that can multiply as quickly as the family grows. This cell multiplication parallels the nuclear family cycle. It should be growing and changing. Likewise, if the members are not maturing and not multiplying the cell will stagnate, and eventually die. So, organic churches should be expected to change–grow, shrink, multiply, and even disband as group dynamics change.
• Keeping a balance between vision and community is essential. Some of us are more visionary than others. Some are more relational than visionary. Both characteristics are strengths, and balance each other out. Keep the vision strong and focused by doing outreach, missions, and building new connections as a fellowship. Keep the community strong by spending time together, helping one another, and having fun along with the spiritual activities.
• Learn to love one another. Meeting together does not equal love. Love is going above and beyond for each other, not thinking of ourselves, but helping one another, spending time together.
• Encourage growth by encouraging everyone to share in spiritual activities. We learn better when we do things, not just listen and watch. We took turns introducing the bread and cup in communion. Likewise, baptism was done by those who were responsible for a person’s conversion or discipling. There are no restrictions on these things in scripture. Remind everyone that they are all training that they can train others too.
• Keep the vision focus. Remind everyone frequently of the vision of Kingdom growth. Create meetings around outreach. Even having picnics at someone’s house and inviting neighbors and friends of the host can be a great time to simply build relationships. There is no need to have a religious emphasis or meeting. The Lord will guide you in simply building bridges and showing love. Service opportunities to neighbors in need are also great ways to show unconditional love.
• Expect people to split off from time to time. Just like a parent expects their children to strike out on their own, there comes a point of maturity where it becomes obvious when folks are ready to leave the nest and follow the Lord’s leading for them in service to Him. Just as new people should be added into the fold, mature folk should be leaving, or sent (Acts 13:2-3).
• The family may look different along the way, but it’s still family. As in all families, people are born, die, marry, adopt, etc. Likewise in God’s family, the dynamics are always shifting. Since Jesus is the Head of His church, He will move things around as He sees fit. He even uses dissension from time to time as He did with Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36-41). Life happens, but stay focused on Jesus and His leading at all times.

Conclusion

In conclusion, then, as I look back, I realize how much I had learned through all the years. More stories can be written, and most likely will be, about the challenges we faced, the victories won, and the failures that we made. But all in all I entrust it to the Lord. Perhaps, in time, fruit will be born unexpectedly. As a gardener I have learned that seeds can lie dormant for some time, and even be forgotten they they are there. But at just the right time when conditions are right, the seed will sprout and blossom and bloom. It’s His Church, and nothing happens by accident. It is him who is to receive the glory, and not our plans or expectations that determine outcomes. The next time I will do some things differently, for sure. But in the meantime I can rest in the assurance that I did not compromise for the sake of convenience, nor cave to the pressures of the many, but stayed true to the revelation given me of how the Kingdom of God should function. And although the entrenched traditional church system seemed to dominate the hearts and minds of our fellowship family members, it is still Jesus’ church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it, because He is building it!

Categories: Ekklesia Community, Kingdom of God

Tags: featured, house church longevity, house church vision, is it okay for a house church to die, keeping a house church going, life cycle of a house church