The Long Story–Short
Thirty years ago, this year, I moved to Kansas City, MO from my hometown in Pennsylvania. It is hard to believe it has been that long. If someone would have asked me then if I planned to be here this long, I would have decried any thought of it! But, here I am. I have often reflected whether I did the right thing by staying. That’s what we do as we get older, we look back over our lives and take account to see what was purposeful. Eric Erikson, the twentieth century psychologist, said in his personality theory that we would do so. I remember studying his theories as a young man in graduate school, and how we go through stages in life. Many of those stages proved to be quite accurate (though I have not gone through them all, yet, fortunately). I moved to Kansas City to attend graduate school, but like many students, found a place to plant myself and grow in the community and culture of the Midwest, which was noticeably different than my east coast roots. As I remember it, I had a distinct calling from God to move into the inner-city, and begin to reach out to youth and their families with the Good News of God. I did this from day one. I rented a room from a fellow student, who owned the home in the heart of the urban core, not far from our school.
Upon graduating, I realized that if I were going to serve in the inner-city, then it seemed foolish to go somewhere else, unless the Lord made it clear where that “somewhere else” would be. But I had no such revelations, so I began to lay the foundations of an organization that would provide the structure and platform to reach young people on the streets of Kansas City through children’s Bible Clubs, teen Bible Studies, basketball programs, tutoring, puppet teams, and more. We were an all volunteer staff who simply believed in the message that we were giving and living–that Jesus is the Messiah, the Savior of the world for whosoever will heed His call, and He alone provides purpose and direction for this life, and permanent citizenship for eternity in His Kingdom. We were not high budget by any means. We never owned a building, nor rented one. We used whatever facilities were available in the community, housing developments, parks, and even our own homes. But we built relationships, and as I remember it, we were family. We watched kids grow, some from birth, through adulthood. Most went their own ways, some making better decisions than others, as is normal in any family, but if nothing else, they knew they were loved, by God and also by those of us who lived among them in the community and spent most of our spare times and weekends with them.
As time moved on, so did the volunteer staff, and the kids grew up, and I began to realize that I was no longer as young and energetic as I once was. A few of those kids stayed in my home, and I had the privilege of raising some to adulthood. At that point, parenting took all my time, and so the programs had to be put aside. And besides, a whole new generation of kids were coming along that no longer knew me as the young man I once was, but as one entering middle-age who they did not relate to. The original family was grown and moving on with their lives, while my focus became narrowed to a select few who were still in the midst of growing up. Slowly God began to refocus my attention, but I never left the urban core. And although I never found a suitable helpmate, today I gladly embrace as family those who grew up in my home, their closest relatives, and the home church family that started in my home and now meets house to house. As Isaiah said,
“Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness
and who seek the Lord:
Look to the rock from which you were cut
and to the quarry from which you were hewn;
look to Abraham, your father,
and to Sarah, who gave you birth.
When I called him he was only one man,
and I blessed him and made him many.” (Isaiah 51:1-2)
Likewise, Jesus said to His disciples,
“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life” (Matthew 19:29).
I do not believe God has finished with me here, yet, and I hope the best is yet to come, but after thirty years, I have learned quite a few things.
God is My Provider
I came here with only what would fit into my Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. I had no job, and only the word of someone that I had a room to rent, but whom I had never met. I moved into a culture that was totally foreign to me and my way of life coming up. But I knew from the beginning that I was where God wanted me to be. In thirty years he provided every job that I needed, even one for twenty straight years. I lived in four apartments, and then purchased my first home, and then after thirteen years, I “upgraded” to a larger one. I lost two jobs in the process due to reorganizations, and the Lord would have another one ready, though not always right away. I never lived lavishly, but always had enough, and was always able to share with others, even if it was only my home. But all wasn’t milk and honey, for even when I made some bad financial decisions, the Lord would lovingly discipline me and teach me how to discipline myself and to learn contentment. But I learned that I didn’t need to tell anyone my needs except my heavenly Father who would always provide in some of the most unexpected ways. But, through it all, my faith grew, and I learned that I can always trust my heavenly Father. With Paul, I have learned to say,
“I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ,[d] who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13).
Even the Little Things
I would not say that I am a car fanatic, but like most guys I love a nice sports car, or a tough truck. My godson and I love to go to old car shows and marvel at the restored beauties on display. He goes to admire the detail, I to reminisce on the old school cars, more and more of which I remember from my youth. When Ford began to bring back the Mustang and gave the retro design a modern look, I wanted very much to drive one. The price tag, however, was more than I wanted to pay, and there were other priorities at the time. My godson had just moved in with me, and I was determined to make a stable home environment for him. My job at the time sent me to Atlanta, GA for a few days of training. I had to rent a car, and when I went to pick it up, they told me that they were having a special, and that for only eight dollars a day more, I could upgrade to a new Mustang! I had reserved an economy car, one of the cheapest I could get, even though the company was paying for it, because I didn’t want to appear that I was taking advantage of their provision. But I couldn’t pass up that opportunity to upgrade for the two days I was there. So, one of my secret desires to drive a Mustang became a reality. Only God knew of that desire, but he chose to meet it out of His goodness, and I thanked Him for it immediately. I knew it was His hand that made that possible, and had it paid for as well! There are many other stories like it, and I imagine you may have some of your own.
On My Own, But Never Alone!
I have always been pretty independent. Life circumstances were so arranged by the Lord that I became an independent thinker and doer at a very young age, but not to the exclusion of others. I learned that I can’t wait on others to do those things that I feel most called to do. Sometimes we only get one chance. But God has always sent help when needed, and my gratitude goes out to all who helped reach so many youth over the years, and who supported the work. Likewise, my home has always been a place where people could find rest from the craziness of life. I don’t know how many young people would come to visit and simply fall asleep on my sofa. At first I thought I was not good company, but I realized that the peace of God was present, and whether they were a follower of Him or not, they recognized that peace, and whatever they were carrying when they came in fell behind, and they found a haven, if only for awhile from the craziness of life around them. Often my home was opened to folks who needed a place to stay for whatever reason. But there were also seasons of great solitude as well, when I wondered if God was finished with me, and no one seemed to be around or available. It was then I had to learn to battle the enemy’s darts in my mind, as he would make me feel useless, used up, or abandoned. But one day I ran across Jesus’ words that spoke to my heart ever so quietly, yet accurately,
“But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me” (John 16:32)
Jesus experienced such aloneness at times, especially on the Cross! Yet He knew He was never alone! He chose to do His Father’s will, and His Father was always with Him, and I learned that even the alone times had God’s signature on them. For it was then that He would teach me to trust Him, to hear Him, and to seek Him, and to sense His presence.
Family and Community
I remember when I first came to Kansas City, I was so zealous to get started serving the Lord. I was very good at devising programs. I always had an idea, even if there was no material way to make it happen. But if there were even the slightest bit of potential, I would do all I could to make it happen, even at my own personal expense. Perhaps it was my zeal for the Lord, or maybe it was my own desire to be successful, but whatever the case, it drove me. I envisioned a great organization that would reach so many souls and turn many to the Lord. But the more I thought about it, and the further I traveled that road, the more I saw how hungry that organization would become, and how unsustainable it would be for the long haul. It had become frustrating, to say the least, for a young visionary. God had given me a passage of scripture from the outset of my service journey, and in the midst of it was this verse that said, “Do not despise these small beginnings, . . .” (Zechariah 4:10). I had always learned that we should be doing GREAT things for God, how could small be any good. But God soon showed me that he chose the small over the large, the humble over the proud, the foolish things to confound the wise. He chose the smallest nation on earth to make Him known to the rest of the world. And all those “great things” whittled down to simply being a servant to all. Wow, had I looked right past the obvious? It was then the Lord began to show me how the everyday life of faithful love and service, especially to the least accepted, gave him the greatest pleasure and glory!
During this time I was attending a mega church on Sundays, while doing ministry during the week. I found it interesting that few, if any, of our youth had any interest in attending the church with all of it’s great music, sound systems, programs, and hoopla. I guess, for me it reminded me of the Jesus festivals I attended as a youth, and helped me feel part of something much bigger than myself. But, here again, God was showing me that bigger was not better in his eyes. What these young people were needing was family and community. They needed to know that someone loved them as they were, and knew their names and birthdays, their ups and downs, and would be there no matter what. I used to watch other urban ministries battling over money, spending it lavishly, exploiting the kids, making lots of noise and fancy programs until the money was gone, then so were they. But the kids couldn’t go anywhere. They were stuck where they were at. It was then I saw the fragility in the programs, and opted, rather, to simply be family and to build community, and to stay for the long haul. I became content with the little things, and thankful for them as well. Jesus, also, redefined family, yet called it as it was, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!” (Matthew 12:49-50). In essence, the Kingdom of God is NOT an organization, nor a program, but a family, and the Bible confirms this all the way through!
I Would Do It All Over Again.
The truth of Jesus’ words become reality when you step out to do His will, especially when you have to swim upstream, or go against the grain. I know it was the Lord who prepared me with all the gifts, graces, and even toughness to handle His call. But when I took that step, I had to be prepared that many would not understand, and even turn away. When Jesus returned to his home town, he was welcomed, but not as the person he had become known as to so many, but as the young boy who everyone watched grow up in their midst. But when his purpose became known, he was rejected by the same who knew him the longest. He said that a prophet was not welcomed in his own home town (John 4:44). I don’t count myself among the prophets, but my calling to the urban poor has drawn a line, I’m afraid, between myself and many, who simply do not understand, or perhaps do not want to. It’s just part of the price we need to be prepared to pay. I can honestly say, though, that in thirty years, my father, who at first was against my choice to be a missionary, became very supportive, even visiting me many times–thanks, Dad!
“Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12-14)
So, as I look back, I had to ask the question of whether I made the right decision, but I know I have. I see my heavenly Father’s signature and footprints throughout my journey. Oh, there are those things I would have done differently, and we all have those. But I wouldn’t trade the peace I have today, and I hope it is indicative of God’s smile. But for thirty years I know I have served willingly, though not perfectly. But I would do it all again, and more if I could. For Paul says it so well,
“So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless” (1 Corinthians 15:58)
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